Strawberries and Other Strange Things
by ProwlerCaboose
Summary: When Sonic the Hedgehog and Nicolas Cage must join together to find the Triforce of Power and to stop Harry Potter from taking over Alcatraz and releasing Hellspawn into the world who can stop them? And what stands in their way?
1. Strawberries Intro

Strawberries and Other Strange Things.

Bullshitted by Timbitch, Written by ProwlerCaboose

Introduction

The year is 21XX.

The world has been through economic collapse and is now in a state of near ruin. The economy has become so bad that people began to kidnap each other for no reason, and everyone got kidnapped and when i say everyone i do honestly mean everyone. Neighbor kidnapped neighbor, who were then kidnapped by their neighbors and so on. This led to everyone having an advanced form of stockholm syndrome called stockholmy.

The world was then dubbed fucked up by most, yet the more proper and scientific term used for that it is sniggity bo biggidy. This use of sniggity bo biggidy referring to the fact that the world is indeed fucked up.

In this time hope for the world to become one again whole, or how it was now scientifically referred to as "The Ghost of a Penis That Never Was." or in other words normal or whole and just back to being good. Scientist got really bored with names and shit and i guess they just kind of made this up at this point for names and stuff i really don't know. Can't deny that they got more creative with naming things though.

I got distracted, anyways hope for the world had faded almost to the point where everyone kind of gave up, some people already had. The only hope for the world to be restored was in the second James Cameron Avatar movie. The people need this movie, they are begging for it. Only if it is good and completed could the world finally become The Ghost of a Penis That Never Was once more.

The hopes of the world have been put all on one man.

Nicolas Cage. The main actor of the second Avatar movie.

This is his story.

 _ **Strawberries and Other Strange Things**_


	2. Strawberries Prologue

Strawberries and Other Strange Things.

Bullshitted by Timbitch, Refined by DONUT542, Written by ProwlerCaboose

Prologue: _The Bloody Hellspawn Killing Day._

The year is 19XX

A train is passing by Chernobyl on a normal route from Dymer to Kovpyta. Aboard the train are approximately 1500 passengers. The train takes a normal route passing over the Pripyat River, which at the time still had large doses of radiation in it, from the Chernobyl Plant disaster, and had a bit of a glow to it.

But the people of Ukraine didn't seem to mind at the time, they just thought it looked kind of pretty, they weren't near the plant so I guess they just kinda assumed it wouldn't really bother them too much. I would have assumed i was going to die, but when you gotta get to your job and a train is the cheapest way, you take the train.

The river has had radiation seeping through it for many years now, and has slowly helped to erode the metal support beams that held up the crossing for the train. The train passing by that day had a little over the normal amount of people as there was a festival in Kovpyta, known as the Harvest of the Wheat Festival. Where they praise the gods of the sun so that they may have better paint so that they may repaint their barns, which in turn will allow them to have brightly colored barns, which makes for happier cows. Which makes cows mate more often, because they become happy, and so because they are happy the quality of meat is much higher. The color of the barn can even affect the taste of the meat, for instance the barn being red can make the meat have a more strawberries kind of flavor, like the fruit.

Anyways, while they were on the way to the way to Kovpyta the train passed over the river, the metal groaned due to the excess weight and began to buckle, the people on board screaming as they were dropped into the glowing water below. The passengers on board were quickly affected by the radiation, turning them into mutated versions of their former selves.

Their bodies began to twist and turn, they grew not wings, but a singular wing down the length of their spines, their left foot enlarged to gross proportions and they grew a horrendous overbite. Their bodies became almost scaly as the radiation began to eat away at their skin and rot pieces of it off or harden them randomly. Despite all those things, the worst thing to happen to them was the way their brains and mental thought process changed…

They had the same mental process as Gary Busey.

They formed sentences that were unintellectual and difficult or near impossible to follow. Somehow through this odd speech they formed a new form of communication. Sometimes grunts, sometimes...weird...horrible combinations of words. To this day no one is fully sure how they communicate. The only thing determined is that "Take the chicken wing, use it as a suppository. Leave it in for ten minutes. It'll put your out of your misery." actually translates to "I need cocain."

It has been found that they live off eating regular food, though they prefer cocaine whenever possible, they also seem to all naturally know how to make cocaine for some reason, probably just to survive. They can adjust mere molecules to make almost anything into cocaine, yet they only seem to know how to make cocaine.

They were dubbed hellspawn by the general population of the world, and are being contained in Chernobyl.

They have been studied by the US Military extensively, as they seem to stick their noses in basically everything possible, and still little has been found out about the mysterious creatures. They seemed to be growing rather rapidly in size and number, so the US sent a force over to Ukraine to see if they could find out how exactly they breeded and possibly stop if if possible.

It was a group of Navy Seals, they were equipped with FN P90s and FN Five-Seven Sidearms. FN Manufacturing had actually bought out rights to the military at the time, allowing them to use only FN weapons at the time. The SMG's were equipped with Raptor-40 Suppressors and the Sidearms with SFN-57 Suppressors for stealth. One man, Leading Petty Officer Cliff Danger, was tasked with carrying the squads ammunition supply, sense all the weapons fired the same kinds of rounds. They went with extra ammunition just incase this got ugly, though it was supposed to be a stealth mission. They also had a large amount of C4 to try and kill as many as possible and possibly stop reproduction if possible.

This is the story of what that squad found.

The squad was carried in via Bell Boeing V-22 Osprey. Commander Shepard Of the Alliance Navy was the leader of the squad, as a Seal Squad typically is lead by a Navy Commander. He was watching from the pilot area as a Boeing-Sikorsky RAH-66 flew nearby.

While the Osprey currently had no weapons the RAH-66 was fully equipped with 1× 20 mm XM301 three-barrel Gatling-style cannon mounted in a Turreted Gun System with a mere 500 rounds, and 56 of the 70mm Hydra-70 air-to-ground rockets. Shepard stared at the mounted weapons and cannon, they were not looking for a fight, so why would they need to bring all this weaponry?

Shepard turned back towards the rest of his squad being carried in the back of the Osprey. He was running a 4 man squad with 2 extras to help secure landing and takeoff for the Osprey. They were not told why the RAH-66 was accompanying them, but didn't really question it much, this whole operation looked bad. A train crash and US dropping boots on the ground on foreign soil was always a bad sign, but apparently the UN had signed off on it. Still no reason to send a fully armed stealth chopper though.

He looked back to his squad thinking about what he needed to say and then drew a deep breath. "Alright men. I know you were briefed as to what we're doing here, but I want to go over it one more time. We are here only to observe how the Hellspawn reproduce, and try if we can to stop it. As you may have heard rumors of them gaining many many numbers very fast. Alarmingly fast. Those rumors are true. We need to figure out what allows them to reproduce so quickly and stop them before they become a more serious problem. Initial attempts to contact them have been...less than successful. They appear to have no form of proper communication or any real ability to hold a conversation, though they are capable of speech. Do not try to communicate with them and do not get their attention, they seem to be very very hostile." Shepherd's words commanded authority, he simply sounded like a leader.

The men nodded in agreement. They had heard it before and seen the reports, they would avoid being seen if at all possible.

Shepard looked at the man near the doors of the aircraft. There was a soldier there who was very unlike the others, he had a look about him, as though he had seen too much combat for one lifetime or knew too much.

The man was looking back at Shepard he was smoking a cigar and thinking to himself...these kids didn't seem to know the whole story and he could tell, they looked eager, excited to have fully loaded weapons on them. He could understand, he had that feeling before, however he knew what that that kind of thinking could lead to. Yet he too knew something was not right. The RAH-66 was far too equipped for this kind of mission, as was the soldiers coming with him. There were too many red flags.

Shepard was walking towards him, he took a long drag on the cigar and stared him down. Shepard knew more about combat than the rest of them, you could see it in his eyes. When they met eyes, they both knew something was wrong, a simple nod from both of them seemed to be them agreeing on that.

Shepard turned towards the men once more and spoke with a calm and collected voice, even though the man could tell Shepard was slightly afraid of what lay ahead, he could also tell that he didn't want to alert his team that something was amiss, fear was not something they could risk.

"This man is the legendary mercenary known as Big Boss." Shepard said to his men.

"hmm.." Boss grumbled hiding a small smile.

"He is an amazing tactician and great at stealth, though I'm in charge of this mission he will be the one leading us, he prepared your equipment and will take charge when boots touch the ground. He will now go over your mission details." Shepard said looking to Big Boss

"Right…" Big Boss said, taking a final drag on the cigar before putting it away, his voice sounded like he'd smoked for all his life and gargled sandpaper every night, yet still manly and beautiful.

"I'd heard he sounded gruff but I never imagined he sounded that raspy." Zac Mincher, a newly appointed lieutenant sitting inside whispered to the man beside him.

"Quiet Mincher." Shepard said, sounding slightly angry. Shepard hadn't met Big Boss before himself, but still felt honored to be in his presence.

"Their fine." Boss said, looking at Mincher with a smile. False as it was, confidence is what they needed, and seeing their _Legendary Soldier_ smile at them had to give them some of it.

"Look men, were just here to see how these hellspawn reproduce. We shouldn't have to fight anything if this goes right they will never even know we were there." Boss said looking at everyone.

"Then why are we carrying so much equipment?" Cliff Danger asked, looking at all the weapons the men were carrying "shouldn't we just...have less?" he asked, a little scared.

"An' what is with that RAH-66?" Lieutenant Junior Grade Butch Steel spouted, with his southern accent coming on rather heavily "That kind of firepower ain't necessary fir a mission like this, 'specially ifin it's supposed t'be stealth."

"We haven't seen what happens when these things get pissed off." Shepard said, sounding a bit stern. As concerned as he was as well he knew not to let it show. "Maybe they go berserk, maybe they stay docile, maybe they try to eat you. We don't really know enough about them, but a few people who got too close didn't make it back." That seemed to be calming them down a little, but he wanted to make sure they weren't completely ready to be relaxed, he needed them to focus. "What we do know is scientists who have tried to make contact with them were either eaten, or became like them."

Everyone in the chopper shuffled a bit, aside from Big Boss. The men looked uneasy, but like they understood.

"Landing in 5 men." Said pilot Samantha Deaderson, normally referred to as "Deadly" a nickname she couldn't seem to shake after she joined the Military. "Lock and load boys it's time to go."

The Seals silently went about loading up their weapons, the sounds of slides being cocked back and charging handles being pulled filled the back of the helicopter. Petty Officer Danger began passing out magazines to anyone who needed them, and extra clips for quick reloading for the pistols if they somehow ran out of ammo. He offered one to Big Boss but he refused, holding up a modified M16 to have a Ares Shrike 5.56 Dual Drum mag, a cut down barrel and no stock at all. Big Boss slowly put a bandana around his head and smiled at everyone.

"With this on and this gun I have unlimited ammo." Boss said looking at them with a grin.

Everyone just looked confused, looking at eachother with weird expressions like "What is he talking about?" "He's crazy!" and various other ones.

Commander Shepard checked his M- Avenger rifle and his Striker pistol. He didn't need ammo because his weapons merely overheated, confusing most of the Navy but that's just how he was equipped. He chuckled a little to himself about how they first told him Vanguards can't actually use assault rifles. "That is fucking stupid" he told them, then proceeded to the range with an assault rifle and started hitting targets.

Weapons were good, everyone was ready, the Osprey landed and the two men stationed to defend got into position just outside the landing doors, sweeping the area with their weapons.

They gave the all clear and the Squad got outside into defensive position. The landing defense men moved back in and the Osprey lifted off leaving them behind. The men reformed into a circle, scanning the surrounding buildings and getting a good feel for where they were.

They had landed in the middle of an apartment or possibly hotel area at one point, it looped in a way so that the building was around them in all but one area. Cracks in the ground had started to grow plants and the building itself had plants growing on top of it, as it was falling apart.

"We landed a click away from where they usually come from and hang around. They don't migrate much and seem to stay in one area, we will move in on foot, the Osprey is going to refuel so it won't be back here for an hour or so." Shepard said quietly to the men, pointing in the direction that the building didn't cover. There were some large looking facilities out there which is where the men assumed the Hellspawn were. "We will get in close and are only designated to take pictures, but again be careful they are considered hostile. BangBangers 2, Kill Em All you are to be positioned in that building to provide cover via sniper support, if one of those things gets too close you should be able to take it out without the others hearing it happen." Shepard said pointing towards a large multi-floored building. He began to move, but Big Boss halted him, walking over and putting some strange object onto this back.

"Yes sir." BangBangers 2, Kill Em All said moving towards the building quickly. He put his Barrett M82A1 Rifle on his back and began a sprint with his Five-Seven at the ready, doubtful he would run into anything, but better safe than sorry. He didn't have much ammo, we could share from the same pool, but his .50 Caliber ammo ment he didn't have too many shots to cover everyone with, maybe 30 or so at the most.

"Alright men, let's get moving." Shepard said pointing at an area near the buliding BangBangers 2, Kill Em All was headed towards. The team began to move at a decent pace, knowing their mission was on a timer. If the population continued it would easily take over Russia in no time, the faster they found out how they repopulated, the better.

The squad made it to a building known to be near the site of the train crash, which was where the Hellspawn mainly nested, well there and another few buildings nearby. The sun was beginning to set and they had a clear vantage point of the nesting area. Shepard watched a group of five hellspawn though a pair of binoculars.

"What the fuck are they doing down there?" Petty Officer Danger asked just kind of making fake binoculars with his hands. Apparently he had forgotten his own. "I can't see shit."

Shepard began to respond for him to shut up but Mincher hit him in the head and made a quiet symbol with his finger over his mouth. He then saw it the mating ritual.

The female hellspawn which Shepard could easily identify by her horribly sagging breasts, began to put a conch seashell to her ear while licking a puffer fish. Shepard wondered where she got the puffer fish from but was quickly distracted when he saw the man's beady glass eye twist to the back of his head and he began to quote the words "The Pepperoni prophet wars pepperoni for underwear. He knows what he's doing." The hellspawns eye began to move back to a normal position as his tongue slowly stuck out of his mouth and he smiled. The woman smacked him with one of her breasts and smiled back. Shepard was unsure what he was seeing, but he did not like it. One of the other Hellspawn moved in, from what shepard could tell it was four males and one female. He smiled at her as he began to have one of his glass eyes moved to the back of his head as well and he yelled "It's good to dress up like a hot dog and scream through a bull horn, the first weiner is free."

The female hellspawn turned towards him and smacked him with both her sagging breasts. His smile widened as his tongue slid out farther and farther, it had to be at least a foot long. He then lifted his hand up and stuck out a finger, placing it into the female hellspawns ear. He grunted and she screamed pointing to the first hellspawn who tried to court her. The other 2 hellspawn near by devoured him in a matter of seconds and she fell straight over onto her face, motionless. The male hellspawn managed to keep his finger in her ear the whole time, suddenly he removed it. Shepard then heard a noise that would haunt him for years to come. It sounded like two grizzly bears fighting over a salmon while a hippo cheered them on. I know that's not the best metaphor, but look I wasn't there and it was apparently pretty fucking disgusting.

The female hellspawn then arched her back and literally shit out 10 kids. One of the hellspawn was catching them like a baseball feldman, in rapid succession. He would place the kid on the ground the catch another, looking fairly pleased as he did so. Once all the kids were on the ground, they proceeded to each eat one of their pinkies, which allowed them to grow quite large quite fast, almost becoming full grown adults in a quick amount of time.

Shepard then began to violently vomit at the sight of them going and being created. A few of the men did as well, all except Danger, who again still didn't have binoculars.

"We're going to kill each and every single one of those we can." Shepard said as he looked back at where they were. "I won't allow a monstrosity like that to continue living." His men looked at him and saluted each saying "YES SIR!" they said quickly agreeing, though Danger looked confused, he didn't know what they saw.

"We attack at midnight." Shepard Said.

Big Boss looked out at the nearby building talking to Deadly over the radio "I can see the building, so what you're saying is that the hellspawn go in there at night as a way to keep warm? The building looks pretty run down though, I doubt anything could survive in there anyways."

"Yes Boss, I can assure you that is where they go, the building next to it is apparently empty so your men can probably get inside there."

"hmm...alright, commencing mission." Boss said as he looked back at the men and Shepard. "The building next to the one that's flooding with Hellspawn-" Boss pointed to a building that had Hellspawn crawling all over it, coming out of windows and just kind of falling and getting up and running back inside. "We're going to go inside and figure out a way across, or possibly just throw the C4 across the building and onto the other. We have to hope that it manages to take the building down, hopefully we can destroy the building with them in it."

"Alright men, you heard him, that sounds like a plan." Shepard said walking towards the stairs to go towards the building, and checking his Omni-tool. "Midnight Seals. Load up it's go time."

"Coming up on two uglies on your right" BangBangers 2, Kill em All said over the radio, watching through his scope he saw the squad all drop to the ground and stop moving. Two hellspawn walked by both staring at eachother, slowly seeing who could stick their tongue out the most it seemed.

Distracted by that they didn't notice the squad laying nearby. Everyone was only about 15 feet away from the building they wanted to get to, as they got closer they realized the building they were going towards was an old hospital, and the hellspawn seemed to take up residence in a large spa building. From what they could tell there were probably a couple hundred inside, but as they got closer they began to realise they had no idea how big the building was inside.

They moved into the first floor of the building clearing rooms but stayed quiet, moving low and fast. They didn't full on clear rooms, passing by a hellspawn in a room, but when they did their flashlights were on as they went, and the Hellspawn didn't seem to notice. It was worth mentioning, so Shepard relayed it back to base, but in doing so one Hellspawn took notice of the noise. It's assumed he thought he could understand the words, but hearing them in a way that wasn't nonsense didn't register properly.

The Seals found the stairs up and began to move up them quickly, realizing that now they knew light didn't make a difference as to being spotted, they began to wonder if they could have gone in during the day as well. Too late for regrets they realized as they reached the top of the structure, about 5 floors up.. The building was mostly flat, except for a helicopter landing pad that was raised up a few more stories.

"Deadly I can see a helipad you can land the Osprey on to pick us up from." Shepard said over his radio. The Osprey flew overhead, sparking the interest of a few Hellspawn but they quickly went back to yelling at eachother and stumbling around.

"I can see it, I'll be gone for about 30 minutes to refuel nearby alright?" Deadly said, as the Osprey quickly flew out of view.

"Alright, see you in 30." Shepard said looking back at his squad. The men were debating where to plant the C4.

"Look. I used t' blow up barns all the time back at home." Butch Steel was saying "We just put it on the outside and boom! It's gone."

"No, look with a building like this that's tall, take out the center and let it collapse in on itself." Cliff Danger said pointing at the other building. "The fourth floor there is perfect, put it around the outside and on the main support beams and it'll come down easy."

"I have to agree with Danger." Shepard said to his men, looking foward. He began to wonder how they would get the explosives across as actually going through the building was impossible with all the Hellspawn.

"I betcha' I can jump it." Steel said looking over the gap. "We're like 15 feet up from it an' th' gaps only 'bout 7 feet, if I run full force I can prolly make th' jump. An' After that look down, there's a fire escape on our building, I can probably jump to it and come through a lower level of the buildin.'"

Everyone just kind of looked at him. "Do it then." Shepard commanded. Steel then began to remove his heavier equipment, only taking his sidearm and some C4 with him and backing up to have room to run. "Remember, go for the main support beams. This isn't a barn."

"Yes sir." Steel said. He ran full force towards the edge of the building, jumping at the last possible second and hitting the ground and rolling. He may be a little slow at times but he is a trained Navy Seal. "Throw me down t'rest of the C4!" He yelled back at everyone, which began to attract a few Hellspawns attention. Danger tossed him the C4 and he caught it, quickly moving across the empty rooftop, placing the C4 around where Danger had pointed to earlier.

As he began to run back towards the jump to get back to the fire escape a couple hellspawn walked up onto the roof. He stopped and threw himself to the ground, hoping to not have been spotted. The hellspawn looked at him and began to lumber forward slowly.

"Permission to fire sir." BangBangers 2 said over the radio to Shepard.

"Permission granted." Shepard said quickly.

The Hellspawn on the roof we're getting closer to Steel and it was looking bad, but just as one started to reach out towards him its head exploded. "One kill." BangBangers2 spoke through the radio, the back of the second Hellspawns head then exploded as well "Two kill enemies down." The shots then rang out and startled the Hellspawn in the building.

"Oh no, Steel behind you!" Shepard yelled, there were three hellspawn on the realized that BangBangers 2 couldn't see one of them because of a large AC unit on the roof. The other Hellspawn's bodies that were previously shot began to move, getting back up and walking towards Danger.

"Oh no!" Cliff Danger said watching through his binoculars "It looks like their brain has actually moved from their heads!"

"What are you talking about? All men but Butch aim your weapons!" Shouted Shepard, frantically looking for a way for Danger to escape.

"Sir look! Their brains appear to have fallen down and now are dangling between their legs!" Steel said tossing his binoculars to Shepard and readying his weapon himself. Shepard looked out and saw Steel was right, it would appear their brains had shrunk dramatically and lowered to the level a normal humans testicals would be.

"All men, open fire on the Hellspawn brains, located between their legs." Shepard said as a few men looked at him confused. "Shoot them in the dick." Shepard commanded.

The men opened fire at the Hellspawn walking forward towards Steel, as Steel himself got up and began to run towards the side of the building. Shepard began to aim his weapon himself but saw a hellspawn coming up the side of the building Steel wanted to jump off of, a couple others were coming as well. Actually it seemed the whole building was beginning to fall apart, Shepard realized looking at it, as more and more Hellspawn went onto the roof pieces started to break off and fall apart. The building was obviously not cared for very well so it must have been falling apart due to the Hellspawns misuse and it showed, the more hellspawn went onto the roof the more the building seemed to creak and moan.

Boss was firing wildly down at the Hellspawn below but couldn't seem to slow them down much. Steel was nearing the jump back and pulled out the detonator, a few dozen hellspawn were now on the roof with even more incoming.

Butch Steel ran and began to crouch lower as he neared the edge, pulling out the detonator for the C4. He took a step forward onto the ledge to jump, and as Shepard watched him everything seemed to slow down. The Hellspawn behind Steel were dropping easily as their brains had little to no protection,and BangBangers 2 seemed to be hitting the targets. More and more Hellspawn were coming up the sides at all times and the building's roof was collapsing with the weight of them all.

Steel jumped over the edge, but just as his feet left the building a Hellspawn climbing up the side grabbed onto his leg. His momentum carried him forward, but the Hellspawns grip and strength was too powerful and Steels body twisted, slinging him downwards instead. He slammed into the brick of the structure below and bounced off of it, he looked up at everyone, mostly still fighting and pulled his arm back. Steel threw the detonator upwards towards the group of Seals as the brick the Hellspawn was holding onto with his other hand gave way and Steel and Hellspawn plummeted to the ground, leaving a sickening crunch when they landed.

Big Boss reached out and grabbed the detonator at the peak of its throw. "BUTCH!" Shepard yelled out down below.

"He's gone Shepard, we need to move." Boss said looking out, the Hellspawn were leaving their building and beginning to climb onto the hospital. Boss picked up Steel's P90 and threw the sling and it over his back. "Deadly where are you?" Boss said over the radio quickly, trying to figure out how much longer they were going to have to deal with this problem.

"About 15 minutes out" Deadly said. "Just refueled but I can try to move quicker, but no promises guys. Bunker down and hold out, how's it going? I hear gunshots?" Deadly said, sounding worried and panicked.

"It's gone all to hell, we lost Butch." Shepard said to Deadly. "Men we need to move, that helipad is where we're going to hold up for a while, so move." Shepard commanded, all his men began to move backwards from the edge of the hospital still firing.

They all quickly moved back towards the fire escape leading up to the helipad, none of them kept shooting as they could no longer make accurate shots. However BangBangers 2 kept shooting as he was far out from the danger, however a couple Hellspawn were starting to run to where he was, the sounds of the shots guiding them.

The men made it all the way to the top of the hospital, and began to hold up there looking for any safety and cover, it seemed like they could hold up between the raised helipad and the old elevator and began to take cover there.

"Dammit, how far out are we?" One of the men at the back of the Osprey asked. Simon "Ghost" Riley wasn't the most patient person ever, and waiting while he could hear gunshots over the radio was only making it worse.

"Were close, switching to hover mode, you should be able to see the landing zone now." Deadly said back to him, he moved and looked outside at the hospital and he saw a bloodbath.

"Bloody hell." Ghost said to himself, reaching for his skull balaclava and sunglasses. The hospital was covered in Hellspawn corpses and live Hellspawn, it seemed to be like thousands has poured out of the nearby building and were overtaking the hospital. He could see Shepard wearing a bandana, blasting hellspawn away endlessly with his telekinetic wave and Boss holding his modified M16 and firing endlessly. He could also see that Big Boss and Shepard were all that was left, the corpses of Mincher and Danger nearby and torn apart. Riley hit the emergency open rear hatch button and the main read door began to open. He put on the balaclava and sunglasses.

"What the hell are you doing Ghost?" Deadly shouted back, but she wasn't quite fast enough to stop him. He threw a rope down to the helipad and quickly attached himself to it, jumping from the back of the Osprey and rappelling down. He himself was equipped with a FN Scar-H and was hipfire-ing it with one hand as he descended. He managed to take down a few Hellspawn as he landed, and as he got closer he could hear the distinctive tune of "I will survive" getting louder.

Shepard and Boss looked at Ghost for a moment. "What a badass" Shepard as he himself was firing at a couple Hellspawn. With the song blaring from behind them the 3 men stood taunt in the eyes of pure danger, but fear did not show of the men's faces.

"Coming in hot for a landing." Deadly said through the radio the Osprey coming down to land.

"Hurry!" Yelled Boss through the radio back, bullets spraying wildly. The three men were able to hold off the Hellspawn fairly well as the helicopter descended.

The helicopter landed and the final man on board came out to secure the landing zone, I think his name was Jim? I can't remember honestly, he wasn't the kind of man who really left an impression. Anyways Jim came out firing his FN Scar at the hellspawn taking a few out as the rest of the men got onboard, with him following.

"We're leaving" Deadly said as the drop door began to close, but suddenly a hellspawn jumped up and grabbed at the door and began to tear it open.

The men inside couldn't get a clear shot at the thing between the door and the hydraulics the hellspawn was ripping into, but suddenly a bullet from a .50 cal rifle pierced its skull. "How am I getting out everyone?" BangBangers 2 Kill em all asked through the radio. His spot apparently hadn't been affected by hellspawn sense none were that close.

"I got you." Boss said as he hit a button on his chest rig, suddenly BangBangers 2 Kill em All could be heard screaming over the radio.

"What did you do?" Ghost said sternly looking at Boss.

"Fulton air to ground recovery system, I strapped on onto his back before we set out, on the off chance we couldn't go back for him. My men will deliver him to you once this is over." Boss said looking back with a slight smirk.

"WE HAVE A PROBLEM!" Shepard yelled looking out the window. Everyone got up to look, amazed at what they were seeing.

The hellspawn seemed to be building some kind of a tower made out of them up towards the ospray. Ever seen that one scene from World War Z? Like it's in all the trailers if you haven't just kinda google it, seriously it was even on the posters. Anyways they seemed to be getting close and higher even as they raised.

Boss pulled out the charge and detonated the C4 on the building, it began to collapse quickly, the tower of hellspawn fell over and crashed down.

"That won't hold them off for long." Boss said looking down at the ruins of the building and seeing hellspawn already begin to get back up. He hit a switch on his chest rig and began talking into a radio "Send it." He said through the radio.

A Small box began to fall through the sky towards the building, stopping at the last second and exploding out into a oddly shaped circle. Suddenly it became a giant black hole with flames all around the edges, everything laying on the ground began to be lifted into the air through the portal, lifting hellspawn and the building together. Suddenly it closed almost silently.

"What bloody hell was that!?" Shepard yelled at boss.

"Calm down Shepard." Boss said sternly. "We've been experimenting with new tech and this was good for a large scale test."

"But where were they sent?" Shepard and Ghost asked together, curiously.

"Were not sure. Normally we send them back to base, but this isn't something we wanted at our base, so we scrambled the coordinates. It was a contingency plan I didn't think we'd have to use, but it's probably for the best, were bombing all heavily controlled Hellspawn locations. This will take care of them better than hoping we eradicate everything." Boss sat down and lit a cigar. "They are gone now."

"Thank god for that." Ghost said sitting down as well, looking a little uneasy around the open flame lighting the cigar.

Shepard continued to look outside concerned. He'd lost a lot of good men. He couldn't really begin to speak. His mission had been a success and the hellspawn were gone but he'd seen his men torn to pieces. He didn't speak much after that.

The day became known around the world as the Bloody Hellspawn Killing Day. Legend passed down between soldiers and the ones who were actually there choose not to talk about it. All anyone really knew was that a mission was conducted that ended up eradicating the entire Hellspawn threat and that was enough for most people to be happy. The legend of what happened has been passed down many times over, getting mixed up and confused along the way, some say Boss killed every hellspawn there was, other say they nuked the place and covered it up. Whatever is known of what really happened was blacked out by the government, so it remains a mystery to most.

The biggest mystery is what happened to the Hellspawn.


	3. Strawberries Chapter 1

Strawberries and Other Strange Things.

Bullshitted by Timbitch, Refined by DONUT542, Written by ProwlerCaboose

Chapter 1: A Caged Beginning but A Movies End.

The year is 21XX

"WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER!?"

"CUT!" Yelled James Cameron angrily "Look, Mr. Cage, You don't have a daughter in this film." James said looking at the insane, blue painted man standing before him.

Around them was a ton of jungle props making the whole scene looked like it was happening on some other planet or a deep part of the rain forest. Green screens were everywhere at least at certain angles, a fair amount of cameras were filming everything. Every Single person there looked like they wanted to die, like the long hours were just not worth it and James being far to cheap to turn on air conditioning wasn't making it any easier.

"Then how do i rescue my daughter?" Cage asked, clearly not grasping what he was being told. The blue paint beginning to streak down him from sweat.

"You don't have a daughter in this film Mr. Cage." James Cameron said looking at the man with a face like he had had to say that one too many times. "You're trying to stop the humans from taking the tree. Time has passed and they came back with a bigger army, and now your blue self must fight back again, only now you have the extra technology the humans left behind before."

"Right. But what about my daughter?" Cage said looking dead into James's eyes.

"Nevermind, fuck this, your insane, i'm out." James said as he put his two middle fingers in the air and began to walk away.

"Mr. Cameron!" His secretary yelled after him.

"Nope." he said back as he continued walking away.

Everyone else just kind of left their posts, not wanting to bother filming at that point and knowing they really couldn't without the director. Nic Cage looked around at everyone wondering what was happening. His own insane internal monologue going wild trying to figure it out. I would try to translate that but there is just no possible way i'll stay sane.

Nic grumbled something under his breath and walked over to the showers to get the blue paint off him. The water quickly washing away his paint, as he sat there thinking about the movie. It's not like he ever wanted to be an actor. His insanity put him in a Gary Busey position, he could easily make movies due to him being able to easily become the character but it was the same character. He needed to save his daughter and any movie where he didn't was just not worth doing. Yet he was continuously contracted to others, which he did but it was never easy.

"Someone bring me my toilet paper!" Cage yelled out of the shower, as he only used toilet paper to dry himself. "Hello? Anyone?" He continued to yell yet no one seemed to be answering.

The paint had seemed to have washed off of him, yet he still was dripping wet as he stepped out of the shower. He began to look around to see if he could find someone to get him some toilet paper. As the still naked dripping Cage walked around the movie set he began to realize everyone was gone.

"How dare they abandon the Cage!" Cage yelled to the heavens. "I'll go get my own damn toilet paper!"

He quickly threw on a large black duster and began to head to his car. He was still dripping wet as he got in however he didn't seem to care. He quickly sped off towards the local Walmart.

Sonic the Hedgehog was walking down the street, just having a pretty chill time all to himself. Cars driving by, some hovering and some simply driving. The world was a strange place he was still trying to find himself in, and he tried to take it day by day. Today was his one day off from working at the local shoe shop as their spokesperson.

He suddenly began to smell a the most wonderful scent in the world. He would later describe it as the perfect blend of sauces to make the perfect chili and perfect kinds of meats mixed together into a hot dog. He felt drawn to the source of the smell, and entered the nearby shop where it came from.

"One chili dog dude." Sonic said to the man behind the counter, drooling with anticipation.

"Uhh…sure dude coming right up." The clerk said to him, his nametag reading Timmy. He quickly went back into the back of the store and came out with a chili dog.

"Thanks dude." Sonic said, throwing money at the man and taking a big bite out of the chili dog. He tore into it as hard as he could yet realized his teeth were beginning to chip and break.

He looked closely at it and began to realize something was wrong with it. It had a odd shape to it, one side was slightly larger yet another had odd large balls seeming to hang off of it. Sonic slowly realizes to his horror he was eating a dildo in a bun and covered in chili. Looking around the shop he realized he was sitting inside of a sex shop.

"What the fuck is this man!?" Sonic shouted at Timmy, throwing the dildo dog back at him.

"I don't know man. I have to, they make me do it." Timmy said dead eyed staring straight ahead. A man with a massive cylinder head leaned around a doorway at the back of the store and looked at Timmy.

"Damn right, and you better keep selling them." The King of all Cosmos said to Timmy before slowly leaning back around.

"Fuck this place, you'll regret this!" Sonic furiously shouted at the clerk as he began to run off towards the local Walmart.

"Nic is that you?" Sonic said as he was slowing down from full sprint into the Walmart. He made it at full sprint towards the gun counter but spotted a shady looking guy in a black duster.

"Sonic? It's been ages!" Cage said to Sonic as they hugged as bros tend to do. "I haven't seen you since i went off to save my daughter."

"Oh Nic you always were off saving your daughter." Sonic said laughing and patting his old childhood friend on the back. "What brings you to this dump of a town?" Sonic asked.

"Well we're shooting that second avatar movie here, it's supposed to be like the future with a new world after the blue people got technology and advanced or some crap i can't remember" Nic responded straining to remember the details of the movie. "I took a shower and wouldn't you believe it, the damn guys forgot to get me my toilet paper! Amerature film makes i swear."

"Oh yeah i remember you always did dry yourself with toilet paper." Sonic mumbled looking at the shelfs full of the tubes.

"What brings you here Sonic?" Nic asked quizzically"

"Oh, some guy sold me a dildo as a hotdog so I'm here to buy a shotgun to go shoot the place up." Sonic responded matter of factly. "As for the town, i've been wandering. The world's a strange place and i'm still trying to figure out where i belong."

"I hear you man, I'm glad i have movies and saving my daughter." Cage said shaking his head.

He reached up and grabbed a set of toilet paper and began to pull it off the wall. A glowing bright golden light shone behind the paper. Glowing brightly, Sonic and Cage began to look at it but suddenly there was an explosion in the distance. Cage and Sonic both looked in the direction of the sound and heard people screaming. Suddenly large scaly red figured began to enter the Walmart yelling "Hello Blowfish, you have an unusual beauty about you!"

Sonic and Cage looked around wondering what to do, the beasts they had heard about in the tales of old couldn't possibly be real. The creatures they saw before them they had heard about from crazy people on TV and old history books seemed to be one and the same.

"Hellspawn" Cage muttered, but he slowly began to look back at the golden glow behind the toilet paper as did Sonic.

They slowly removed the toilet paper to reveal a strange gold triangle floating in the space behind it. It had a golden radiance to it that shown brightly yet seemed contained. Cage reached up and grabbed the golden triangle.

"What is this?" Sonic said questionly looking at the item Cage had grabbed.

"This? This is the beginning." Cage said smiling as he stared at the item.


End file.
